I have questioned whether or not I want to share some things on my blog; some things seem to personal....do people even care to know? I really have to put thought into the things I say (the reason why I edit everything ten times before I have my finished post), and for the first time in my life I'm thinking before I'm speaking (or writing , in this case). So now I have decided to share some things that have been on my heart, which has been hurting and very hard lately. I am struggling with my relationship with God. As a "new Christian" (I say new because I was previously just doing "the walk" which lots of us Christians seem to do). I have finally gotten to a place in my walk with Christ where I was really feeling some changes and feeling like I am ready to take that next step. But what is that next step? What does God have in store for me? Am I really in the place that God wants? What now? And I am soooo impatiently waiting for his sign. I finally realized that God DOES talk to me.....when I listen. I never understood when people said they'd had a conversation with God, or God told them this or that......but maybe I was more envious than anything. I can feel his presence now and I follow my heart when I feel like it's what God wants. So where do I go from here? I'm stuck...........
"So let us stop going over the basic teachings about Christ again and again. Let us go on instead and become mature in our understanding. Surely we don't need to start again with the fundamental importance of repenting from evil deeds and placing our faith in God. You don't need further instruction about baptisms, the laying on of hands, the resurrection of the dead, and eternal judgment. And so God willing, we will move forward to further understanding." Hebrews 6;1-3
Our sermon at church today was just what I've been needing...so other people really do understand where I'm coming from, cause they've been through it too, and turns out it's a very normal thing. When we give everything to God he will show us where we go next.....what that next step is. It's that giant leap of faith that we are so afraid of---that I'm afraid of. And there is something bigger than what I am doing now. Something with higher meaning. God has a plan for me to do something more magnificent than I could have ever imagined. It doesn't mean that I neglect my responsibilities as a wife and mother, but something in addition to this.
God has brought several people into my life in the last year--just when I thought I had enough friends...the best friends I could ever have, He gave me more. People who love me....adore me even though I'm not perfect..and they ALL test my faith (every single one of them :0). God is showing me what I need to do next, He's been showing me all along. I just didn't know what to look for--I couldn't see through the "real world" stuff, the sometimes very meaningless stuff. My marriage was put to the test, my confidence as a mother was challenged. I've been told that these changes wouldn't be easy even though this is the road such a loving God has chosen for me. And I now need to put all of my trust, not just some of my trust, in Him. I want to take that giant leap and leave it all to Him, trust in Him. I am ready.....as scary as it may be...I am ready.
"I also pray that you will understand the incredible greatness of God's power for us who believe in him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead and seated him the place of honor at God's right hand in the heavenly realms. Now he is far above any ruler or authority or power or leader or anything else--not only in his word but also in head over all things for the benefit of the church. And the church is his body; it is made full and complete by Christ, who fills all things everywhere with himself." Ephesians 1;19-23
Where do I think He is leading me? I can only guess, and I may very well be wrong. But right now I think...........it's the children..........He wants me to take care of His children. I believe he truly wants me to embrace the poor, the lonely, the hungry, the tired.....wherever they may be. I have felt it. I have acted on it. I am ready for it. I have followed many people who are already doing God's work and they are such an inspiration to me. I have seen people in need, I have felt people in need, and now I wrap them up in my arms. I can feel God's love all around me and I kinda sorta have a plan. We'll see. I'll keep you posted. And prayers along the way couldn't hurt any. I may be asking for support. I may beg for mercy and forgiveness along the way. But I will give all of the love I can possibly give. God is so gracious and good and He loves me--I know He loves me. He will show me the way..............................
"Ever since I first heard of your strong faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for God's people everywhere, I have not stopped thanking God for you. I pray for you constantly, asking God, the glorious Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, to give you spiritual wisdom and insight so that you might grow in your knowledge of God. I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope he has given to those he called--his holy people who are His rich and glorious inheritance." Ephesians 1;15-18