I have been in touch with many adoptive mamas lately and I am not feeling quite so alone.
Thank you for that, friends.
This journey has been a tough, but beautiful one and we have been blessed beyond measure.
I will never forget how many times God came through for us and His timing was always perfect.
Having Faith when things weren't going my way....not easy.
I struggle with control.
Don't we all?
Just in different ways I think.
I want to control what my kids wear (I'm getting over it...slowly), how their clothes hang in their closet (don't mess with this :0), and you've probably never seen a more organized dresser/room (theirs...not mine :0( ).
I am slowly letting go.
I have had the control as a parent about what they put in their mouths ('cept when they're at school, of course, and even then I try), how long they sit in a car-seat (I'll push that as long as I can), and they always have a helmet on their heads when they are driving any moving thing (I would never forgive myself if something happened to them and it could have been prevented).
all those things seem minimal when I am fighting for control over things I simply CAN''T control.
God places us where HE sees fit,
where HE knows we can be instrumental,
where HE needs us to be.
This isn't always/usually the plan we have set for ourselves.
Which makes it that much more difficult when it doesn't turn out the way we thought it would.
I am humbly announcing that I am going through a rough patch right now.
From what I've heard this is very normal, but not talked about much in the adopting world.
People have high expectations of us whom God has chosen for such a magnificent feat.
We dare not let them down, right?
Well, I am breaking my silence so that you may come forward if you are having a less-than desirable time too.
I knew it wouldn't be easy.
You knew it wouldn't be easy.
And for some I guess it just is.
I am praying a lot.
I am asking God to soften my hardened heart.
It is a full heart,
but it is longing for His grace at the same time.
I've decided it's okay to ask for help. Some of my friends have already been soo sweet to listen without passing judgment and other adoptive moms have helped me to see that I am not alone. And that
some most times we need to reach out for help.
Time may not heal as it does in many instances.
We need to ask.
So I am.