Monday, May 10, 2010

Bathtime thoughts (kinda like "Deep Thoughts"...with an additional tub)

So I was just chillaxin in the bath with my Epsom salts and bag over my conditioning-head----I KNOW you want a picture, RIGHT?? ha!  :0)  I was reading the manual from our adoption agency which is given to us to read while we're waiting.....and since we are now officially waiting, I thought this was the time to read some.  So real scary stuff, I must say.  Not like spooky scaring, but more like, "OH MY GOSH!  Can I be a good parent to an adopted child too?"  I just had this impression that I was going to parent my adopted child the way I do my biological children--which I know isn't always perfect.  BUT until recently I didn't get that it could be so hard in the beginning especially.  Our friends who just adopted recently really had a smooth transition.  So I was being very naive thinking that this was how it is for everyone.  Thank goodness for manuals and Yahoo Forums (hi girls;0)!  I apparently need to get me some more reading material.

As I was feeling the temptation to go to sleep (I'm still in the tub here) I really thought about how much we adopting/adoptive parents expect from those who aren't/haven't adopted.  I was having a conversation with that same friend the other night about how rude people can be and they say things without even putting one ounce of thought into it.  For instance, "So why Africa?  So are you gonna try to save them all?" and "They should just stop having babies if they can;t take care of them." and "There are orphans here too" (I think I wrote about this one once already).  So yes, they should think more before they speak (and maybe have a few less beers) and yes, they should maybe ask in a different tone with different wording.  But they really don't get it.....they just don't.  I know I have changed my thinking tremendously, and this is really hard for me to say when I know that other adoptive families may read this, because maybe they didn't go through this same transition.  Maybe they already knew.  I think that maybe we (me) interpreted God's calling differently than He truly intended for us.  I began following missionaries on their blogs wishing I could do something more than what I was, I kept up (still do) on those amazing 147 million orphans girls who were/are helping so many people to bring their kiddos home.  I have felt this pang to help the needy all of my life, but never more than in the last couple of years.  I never thought this (this next thing) was wrong (and I'm still pretty confused by it--but it seems pretty important) until now.  Here it is..........I wanted to save a child from poverty, from hunger, from destitution, from lack of love, from a life without an education.  I wanted to scoop them all up just like the missionaries in Haiti tried to do.  I wanted to take away their pain and suffering.  And I still do.  But THAT was not the reason (I don't think) that God was asking me to go forward and trust Him and lead my family into a place of the unknown.  I truly feel now that God planned to bless US in making this decision.  He always had a plan for this child to be a part of our family....a little girl was always part of the plan.  And I don't know what else He has paved for us, but THIS journey He has brought us on has opened my eyes.  God loves all of His children.....this part I know.  It doesn't matter where they live or how they live or what they look like.  He loves them all and wants what's best for them.  And these children in Africa love where God has placed them.  They love their country, they love their people.  Even if it looks to us like they have nothing, they think otherwise.  Their bare feet, and toys made of cardboard, and threads for cloths are good enough for them.  Because they have God in their lives and they have each other.  They are happy.  They may not have much, but they are happy.  And I know there are probably many things I don't understand yet because it hasn't been explained.  But the bottom line for me is that God did not lead me here to save this child.  This baby girl would be saved in God's eyes right where she is.  God will bring us together to be a family.  The one thing this little girl doesn't have.....a family.  She is the piece to our puzzle and we are to hers.  It is still very difficult for me to explain to my family and friends if they haven't been in my shoes already.  But to have people constantly saying "You will be such a blessing to her" (this is a very common thing to say--I can't tell you how many times I said it myself before) has started to make me really dig deep.  Because, really, this amazingly-special little girl will be a bigger blessing to us then we could ever be to her.  
I am lowering my expectations of people who "don't get it" and people who outright don't want to "get it", because I have faith that they will soon enough.

I've been meaning to write about this for a long time....for me.  

To get it out so I could understand a little bit better myself.  
Honestly...I feel much better now.

1 comment:

Robb said...

I know how you feel! You are not alone! Your thoughts have been my same thoughts over the process of our two adoptions (U.S adoptions- our boys are African American). Giving people a little (or a lot) of grace is a good thing! :) I guess I say careless things to others sometimes myself and hope others will give me a little grace then, too. I also completely relate to the whole thing where others think you are blessing a child and really you are the one that is blessed. Believe me, when you hold your sweet little child in your arms, you will feel that way a million times more! God Bless you on your journey!!!

music player