This has been one rough week! If you are one of my friends who has heard it....sorry. Then there are those sweet peeps on Facebook who just wanna know more and I didn't feel the need to elaborate THERE! Nope! It really just helps me to get it all out here. So I caution you....it's a little on the lengthy side!
The beginning of the week the kids and I got our dreaded TB tests done for our adoption. If you know me well you will know that I am very well educated on vaccinations (or at least enough to know what I want) and have given up on them for various reasons. Sooooo when I was told about the TB test for the whole family I asked around. I was told it was a skin prick just like most allergy tests, which I decided I could handle. Although when we got to the health center the nurse pulled out the needles filled with liquid which caught me off guard. I have been feeling very peaceful about all things during this process, so I made a quick decision not to panic......God has told me when I needed to switch direction and this didn't seem to be one of those times. So we continued on......only to have my oldest complaining shortly after of aches and pain down his whole left side of his body. First his arm, then his leg, then into his shoulder, up his neck, and then his face and head. His gums even hurt to brush. The answer I got from the doctor? It COULDN"T be the test....he MUST be coming down with something. OK, so here's a perfectly healthy kid who hasn't been seen by a doctor in three or more years for sickness and all the sudden one whole side of his body is in pain. I DON"T THINK SO! And now I know how the parent with the autistic child feels after their healthy child gets a vacc. and starts to show signs. Do they think we're idiots? I'm sorry, but VERY frustrating. The doctor proceeded to tell me I shouldn't be concerned unless he starts to have difficulty breathing or can't breathe at all, or if his speech changes. Okay, so what about the fact that he could wake up paralyzed? or not at all? Fortunately the next day he was feeling better and by the end of the day he was back to normal. In the meantime I did the research that I should have done BEFORE the test. I found that one of the main ingredients in the test is a preservative called PHENOL (remember that one), which is a toxin used in plastics and many other hazardous substances. I believe I also read it is common in many allergy sprays and medications. And guess what??? The side effects if you are allergic (and my thought.....if you know it's a toxin, then why would you allow it in your body at all?) are numbness and aches in one side of the body. Hmmmmm......pure coincidence, I'm sure. And just because you are a doctor or nurse you will not change my opinion about what I endured. What would you think if it were YOUR child? Coincidence indeed.
Dic and I went in for our required physicals on Wednesday. Everything went as planned, except for the part when the doctor informed me of the dense, fiberous tissue during my breast exam. Dang! I knew I was forgetting something! I meant to get that checked a month ago! She set up an appt for a mammogram yesterday, which seemed perfectly normal at the time. I mean, I AM 37 and 1/2! and things start to change, right? So I was pretty calm about the whole thing...until I was getting ready in the morning. I know lots of women who have talked about having the same thing. Not a big deal, right? Then I thought about the fact that my sister just had cancer not too long ago. Not that her cancer was in her breast, but unsettling to say the least. I wish I would have had a "peace" button at the time. Dic met me there, which was really nice. And the appt that went from being a 15-20 minute appt for the rest of the women I saw, turned into an hour for me. They also did an ultrasound....then the doctor came in. Now THAT can NEVER be good---that's what I thought. I was scared. I prayed A LOT. I cried inside trying to prepare myself for the worst. I have three boys who depend on me, and one that God has sent me looking for..........I was emotional, to say the least. I decided I was not going to be the girl who sits around and cries about it. I would not be the girl who was completely consumed by fears and negativity. If this was really happening I would be the girl who holds her head high.....does what needs to be done.....keeps a positive attitude......and enjoys every day. I would be the girl to beat it. And I thought about my friend's comment that God wouldn't send us on this journey to do His will, without taking care of us. So the result is that I have a benign tumor that needs to be rechecked again in 6 months to see if there are any changes. Not the best news I've ever heard, but surely not the worst. And I have a choice to make some changes in my life. I take care of everyone else's needs, but I push mine to the side. I regulate the sugar and dairy in my kids' diets and make sure that they are getting the sleep they need, but I know I can do wayyy better for myself. I have recently started working out, as I am getting to the age where the bones are creaky and the joints ache....it was time. :0) I got a warning.....I'm not sure everyone does. or do they? I will be one who listens before it's too late. I have a life to live and my beautiful family to take care of. One of my first thoughts when they told me to come back in 6 months was.....we will know HER by then. We will know who our sweet little angel is and with any luck we will be holding her in our arms at that time (wishful thinking). So when they see me again to recheck this little piece of darkness I hope I can say they have nothing to look at. I am trusting in my perfect God to take care of me so I can go where He has lead me.
This has been a rough week, but we have come through it on top with lots of prayers and guidance.