I cannot contain my excitement that I'm feeling right now. I have been walking around the last week feeling like our plan...my plan, was getting further away. Things were not looking hopeful and I still knew that we would someday adopt, but didn't know when. I just finished telling some friends today that it didn't look like it was going to happen anytime soon. And I was soo confused about whether God was telling me to back down and chill out, or have faith in Him and keep on persevering no matter how hard. I started re-reading my assignment from our small group at church and the book is called Manna. Manna is learning to trust God for our daily provisions. Everything in these few chapters kept saying "trust Me and I will Bless you". I kept reading about how we don't need the "stuff" in our lives....we just need God. I take this personally because I really do like shopping, BUT how many "things" do I need? I should be following the advice I give my children and just feel blessed and grateful for what I have. Soo many times we idol the blessings....the material items....rather than the Blesser. It doesn't mean that we have to live in poverty, but we need to be happy with what He has already given us. We are not living on Manna if we always want more, and we are constantly chasing after the things we think will make us happy; the bigger house, the nicer car, the toys. And then we don't feel at peace. We are always real elated when something turns out right and we praise God (or we should) in these times, but when God provides for us today will we wake up in the morning knowing that He will continue these blessings every day no matter what? So my point being.... that even though we may live paycheck-to-paycheck and money may not come as easily to us as it does to some, that we ARE doing God's work when we take a child who has nothing and give them a family who loves and cherishes them. God wants this and so we must trust Him when He tells us to keep going, though it may not be easy...financially or otherwise. We have all we need and we will find a way to make this happen with God leading the parade. It is He who is the light that we follow...He brought us to this point...so we need to have a little Faith and know that this is the right thing to do. He WILL Bless us and we should not think we have to take it all on ourselves. We are NOT alone on this journey.
Today I read some more, took a nap, and woke up feeling drawn to agency-shopping again. I had kinda given up on the idea that this could ever be a reality. But with some conversations and some FAITH (yeh!!) I have given this back to my God. I also received a comment from a person I don't know (I hardly ever receive comments!) that made me feel at peace. So thank you for all of you who are quietly supporting us. Thank you for your prayers and little reminders that our God has a plan for our family. I am again jumping for joy to get this party started!! And please feel free to share your thoughts anytime as your comments are always very much loved appreciated.
God gave me Grace today.