Hold Her in My Arms

Last night, extremely exhausted and never getting enough sleep, I allowed myself to imagine holding HER in my arms for the first time.  I know, you must think I'm crazy....but I have told myself from the time of referral acceptance that I wasn't gonna go there.  I can't be HERE while she's over THERE and wonder what it would be like to touch her for the first time, to smell her for the first time, to kiss her for the first time.  I know, sounds like a love affair, doesn't it?  Well, it is.  And I could very well make myself crazy.  So for the last (almost) two months since we found out who she was I have looked at her pictures a thousand twenty-two times and talked about her non-stop, and replayed the trip to Ethiopia over-and-over.  But I have never (until now) let myself get to that emotional place of meeting her.  Some people may think I just don't care....I just can't.  It could be another 6 months (no, God, please) and I can't bare to be so tied up in my feelings for this beautiful child of mine who I am longing for.  I can't wait to see how she responds to me....will she smile and hug me back, or will she run away screaming? :0) It doesn't matter either way....soon she will be in my arms forever.  Now I am going back to my "place".....it's safest there.