Aregash THREE!!!! Happy Birthday Sweets!!

 That's how she says it as she holds up her three fingers.

This is "normal" (dislike this word) for the typical toddler, but for a little gal who doesn't even understand what a Birthday is, 
it's pretty cool.

I prepared her a little bit right before she went to bed so she would have something special to look forward to (even though going bye-bye seems to do the trick nicely).  I reminded her about swimming in the wah (water) at cousin Karsyn's Birthday where she got a chance to blow Karsyn's candles out a couple of times.  She remembered this fun day.  I told her that this was called a Birthday, and it was time for Aregash's Birthday.  
I told her she was three. 
 Cole is 12, Zachie is 10, and Lukey is 7.  

She says, "Aregash three!"  

So we know she doesn't understand what it means...that she will be turning another year older, but she does get that it sounds like fun and there will be cake and presents. 

She talked about it all the next day...even told the check-out lady at the grocery store!

My sweet friend Lauren came over with her little Ethiopian boys to help me cook up a special cultural dinner to surprise the Birthday girl.  She LOVES her traditional food and her mom isn't soo great about supplying it for her.  
Sorry, babe. 
 So we made dorowat (doro means chicken).  It's a spicy dish which includes onions, ginger, garlic, berbere' spice (from Ethiopia), and cayenne pepper with chicken stock.  
It is eaten with a hard-boiled egg.  
You should have heard her squeal when we brought it to the table.  
We had to serve her last so we could get a blessing in before she dug in.  

She LOVED it and it was quite delicious!
 I didn't think the boys would care for it at all, but 2 of the 3 ate it just like it was mac 'n cheese.  
I didn't plan far enough ahead to order (or make) injura to go with it, so we ate it with rice. 
 VERY spicy, but the rice soaked up some of the zap.  
So now I know what to make when we want a another special meal.

I didn't realize that I hadn't taken her to the grocery store before and she went crazy about the selection!  
She got the big-fat BUZZ about the candy, but I let her grab a bag of dabo (bread) to go with her dinner. 
Quite possibly her favorite food---another carb-lover in the house.

We kept her Birthday party very small...just our family of six. 
 We decided that it would probably be more memorable for her if she didn't have swarms of people around watching her.  
I'm pretty sure it was a good call.

BUT I still wanted to make it very special and get some real cute pictures to put in her album, so I asked her if she'd like to put a pretty dress on. 
 She said, "Yes, deans (jeans)". 
 Go figure. :0) 
 I said no to the jeans and brought her to her closet.  
I held up her traditional Ethiopian dress that she had been given and worn at her Goodbye Ceremony in Ethiopia.  
She did the hand-wave thing and said, "No, Mommy.  No dis (this).  Dis no, Mommy."  
So I pleaded just a little.  
"But it's for your Birthday party and mommy wants photos.  Pleeeaaassseeee?" 
 I did NOT want to throw her into shut-down mode right before her party, so I put it down and held up another outfit. 
 She stood for a moment and looked up at me.
 "Dis....cake?" 
 I said, "Yes, you get to have your cake and blow your candles out".  
She grabbed the dress (the first one) and said "OHHHH! Dis cake, Mommy?" 
Me: "Yes, you could wear the dress while you eat cake."  

"Oh, soddy, Mommy" 

 Me:  "What?"   

Aregash:  "Soddy (sorry), Mommy.  Aregash dis dress"

MY CHILD APOLOGIZED FOR BEING DIFFICULT.

OMG!!!

I'm a little bit in love.

And then it was time for presents.

One thing that I love about this child is that as sensitive as she is, she gets my humor.....
or sarcasm,
 whatever you wanna call it.  

She pointed at her gift.

I told her it was mine.

She smiled the I-know-you're-full-of-it-smile.

I gave her the box full of new air purifier cleaners and said, "Here, THIS is yours."

I am laughing out loud as I write this.

She opened the box and started jumping up and down.

"YAY!!!" she yells.

this is where i tell her this is really mine.

look at the face.

like, "You suck mom, give me my dang present".

Strawberry Shortcake and her Berry Cafe'.

 I have been a fan since I was little and never had one. 
I have been planning the perfect Strawberry Shortcake Birthday since I learned we were having a girl.  

Good thing she doesn't know if she's really in to it, or not. :0)

I'm pretty sure the boys loved it as much as she did. :0)

*cutest thing.....watching cole (my 12-year-old) set up the tiny little food on the little tray on the table. 
 he was soo proud 
(too bad my camera died before I could catch the picture that would embarrass him in front of his first girlfriend)*.

I LOVE that my boys were soo excited for their little sister...

and not too good to play with her toys. :0)

The Best Birthday party ever.  

And I was right.......

JUST as noisy as having a crowd.

Aregash, patting herself on the chest, says: 
 "Mommy, Aregash baby?"

Me: "Nope, now you're a bigger girl!"

Aregash, smiling and head nodding:
 "Mommy's baby"

That you are, sweet baby girl.

 APPO BIR-DAY
 (HAPPY BIRTHDAY with her cute accent) 

~my little love~


Aregash 3.

to party or NOT to party......

after three weekends of fun at 3 different showers given in our honor, i am a little bit partied out.

 and tomorrow is aregash's birthday.....

she will be three. 

\ she knows she is 3....we taught her that  but she doesn't really understand that she's 3, as birthday's are not celebrated in ethiopia and i'm not sure if they even talk about how old they are.  because most babies are born in the home rather than a hospital, there isn't any documentation.  so age is usually a guess.  aregash's uncle seemed sure of her birth-day.  he was there at her birth and he named her.  i have never done this next thing with any of my other kiddos (because i've never had a child born in another country who struggles with our language and customs).  we are not having a party.  well, we are having a party but we have decided it will just be our family of six attending.  aregash has, after all, had three weekends full of gifts and cake and lots of people and we decided it was 

time to just take a break....

for us, and for her.  

even having our families over would be overwhelming for her.  most of them she hasn't seen more than a couple of times, and she isn't familiar with them.  but we are still celebrating this special day with our special girl.  i am making her dorawat....a cultural meal in ethiopia.  i think she will be thrilled, although the injura will be missing.  i'm sure she will notice.:0(  

and i am making a very small 6 inch cake, 

because i have planned a strawberry shortcake birthday for the last year of waiting.  

because it will be sweet to see her blow her candles out and teach her one of our traditions. 

because i need pictures of her first birthday home to put in her baby book. 

 we can whoop it up with our loud precious family! 

partying on......

(hang tight.....pictures to come)


ps-i still plan to fast for ethiopia tomorrow.....
even through cake-baking (it's just that important)

Fasting for Ethiopian adoptions (and other adopting countries too)

Ethiopian adoptions are having some hard times right now.  I have been thanking God MORE that we brought Aregash home when we did.  Things are soo uncertain there right now and rules are being pressed to ensure the safety and well-being of adoptions here, but in the meantime these kiddos could be in care in orphanages and care centers all over the country while they wait to be with their families who are longing for them.  Time is ticking away and every second means that more lives will be lost.  Please join me and LOTS of other people from all over the world while we fast for Ethiopian adoptions on 

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 9.  

I got the idea from THIS BLOG. 

 This is also the blog that has asked for clothing for the Street Boys in Uganda. 

 There is going to be a wedding.....of two sweet people who are following God's calling doing missionary work there.  They are inviting about 200 boys to their wedding and are asking for donations of dress shirts and ties.  This will be an amazing gift for these children.  Time is running out to send them as the group is leaving soon, but you can still take action if you feel the desire.  I have mine all packed and ready to go. 

Here is the address: 

Southside Community Church

PO Box 69

Cocolalla, ID 83813

Attn. Go Uganda April 2011

Join me......in God's name.

ONE month HOME

Today we had our one month post placement visit with our social worker.  I can't believe it's been a month!  Sometimes it seems like she's been with us for much longer.  And as grateful and happy as we are to have Aregash home, it hasn't come without struggles.  I won't bore you with all of the fine details, but I have been feeling like writing it out at some point....for myself, but also for the families who are in the process and want to know the truth.  Most blogs have the sweet pictures of their beautiful kiddos and life seems grand.  And it IS because we're home, but it has been one big roller coaster ride of emotions.  With that being said, I would like to say that things are sooooo much better than 2 weeks ago. 

One Month Home--FIRST time in a pool

I think we all know that there isn't any much discipline in the orphanages and care centers in Ethiopia.  Which is good to a point.  We know that children are valued and loved and they are considered a precious gift...which they are.  So when the kids come home WE get to undo all of that (the non-disciplining part, not the gift part :0).  That's okay.  WE know this and we do it with full hearts.  I thought I had prepared myself for the worst.  And it wasn't the worst, but I definitely wasn't prepared for what I would encounter.  I can only imagine what COULD be the worst. Ha!  We only dealt with food issues for a few days, and we had several other issues that we conquered quickly, but the tantrums/melt-downs were unexpected.  Aregash is a happy child and we were always told this when we received updates about her, but that happiness can change at the drop of a hat.  We seem to have a combo of toddler-isms, girl drama, and plain 'ole transitional hardships.  Like when I added conditioner to her hair, when I asked her to stop biting her brothers, but mostly when it was time to get dressed.  I posted about this before.  At first I thought it was about the look....too pink...too flowery....lack of jeans (her favorite).  But I quickly learned (and not quickly enough) that it wasn't about the look as much as it was about the control.  Why didn't I think of this???  THIS is something I knew we would probably encounter!  It's in every adoption book!  So once I figured that out I began to think of the tools I could pull out to get through it.  And the biggest thing to battle control issues are choices.  You know....Love 'n Logic.  I have taken soo many classes to re-certify for my teaching degree that I could probably teach it myself!  I just don't use it like I should.  And it works when you use it.  So I picked out two outfits I liked.....laid them on the floor.....and she got to pick.  As soon as she'd go to the closet to get something else I would say, "Uh uh, THIS one or THIS one...you pick".  And she would.  Not always happy with my selection, but she would.  And guess what?  SHE got to pick, which gave her the control, and life was better.  
This doesn't mean that she would bounce around in delight, 
but she was satisfied.  
No melt-down.  
Score one for Mommy.

At  Watiki Water park for great- niece , Karsyn's 3rd Birthday

THE MELTDOWN

It "looks" something like this......

body goes limp, sullen eyes, long face, no response.  Then the moan...for quite awhile.  And next comes the cry...and then the scream.  It's not fun...they never are, but these meltdowns seem to come from nowhere.  Like the time(s) I was dressing her and had the bottom half done when she decided she didn't like the clothes.  And sometimes you don't know it's happening until it's in full swing.  One minute we're all smiles and happy, next thing you know we're in the middle of a "big one".  Kinda like the look a kid gets right before he throws up....it's THAT look.  And there's nothing you can say, there's nothing you can do.....it just has to run it's course.  I can't/won't stop dressing her right in the middle because this will tell her that if she throws a fit mommy will give in.  I'm not THAT kind of mom.  I never have been.  I have learned through three boys with 12 years under my belt, that consistency is key.  You lay down the law.....sometimes that law changes, but you stick to your guns.  This way the expectations are clear and the kiddos know exactly what to do...or not.  

the water is coming...big brothers can't wait to see the reaction

insert screams here.....she loved it

Adoption Rules can be broken, or compromised.

Each child is different, every parenting-style is different, all adoption situations and backgrounds are not alike.  Here's an example:

Aregash bit her brother.  I can't remember why, or if it was playing or out of anger. So I say, "Aregash, your brothers are nice (because she understands this word) and that hurts.  It's not okay.  You need to be nice to your brother".  Sulky eyes. She walks away, sits on the floor and pouts....then moans....then cries.  For the first couple of weeks I did what I thought I was suppose to.  Granted, I NEVER would have handled it this way with my bio kids.  So I go to her and ask her if she would like mommy to hold her (because we should never let an adopted child cry, right?).  She won't even look up at me.  I'm not sure she can.  Adopted kids have their coping mechanisms and sometimes that means shutting down.  That's what this seems like....like it's involuntary.  She doesn't respond so I go away and check back in a few minutes later.  "Aregash, are you ready for Mommy to hold you now?" Still nothing.  I go away, and come back.  This time (or maybe the time after) she leans a little toward me.  Okay, so I think this must be it.  I pick her up....her upper body limp and her legs stiff.  This is obviously not what she wants.  But I rock her.  After two weeks of handling this type of situation this way and being completely exhausted and frustrated I decided to try something different.  

A BIG STEP.......

Not just for her, but for me too.  Now when the sulking happens (depending on what it is) it is ignored.  I realized the more attention I gave to "it" the longer it went on.  Sometimes it will just go away.  Other times I may "check in" when the moaning or crying begins.  The other night she pulled a big loaf of bread off the counter and took a big bite out of it.  This may have seemed cute the first week she was home and she didn't know our rules, but now she knows (and consider the big knife in the same spot).  SO I reminded her to ask me if she needs something. She started the "zombie-like" state as I like to refer to it.  I came looking for her after a while and by then she was ready to move on to something different.  She even gave me a hug.  I consider that progress.  She is learning that I love her unconditionally even if she isn't perfect and that she won't get her way by making a big fuss.  My favorite is when I can tell her not to do something and she responds with "okay, Mommy". 
Now she needs to teach her big brothers! :0)

We're both learning and that's the fun and the pain.  The last month has been hard, but I see a beautiful transition happening with some true progress. 

No one ever said it would be easy.  

And that it's not..

I just want to be real.

Just some new stuff.....and maybe a cute picture or two :0)

Bonding......

 I have been told I am being hard on myself now that we have Aregash home.  Sometimes I agree, it's just that things aren't just cut-n-dry like I thought they would be.  We are working really hard on the bonding that happens when a family adopts, but there are always those rules that were meant to be broken.....or were they?  I feel as though the bond between Aregash and myself is pretty strong, but it's a struggle with her and her daddy.  When she is upset with me I have just been giving it some time and she always softens with hugs and kisses.  With her daddy it's a bit different.  He doesn't do anything for her to be upset about (I get to be the bad "guy" on purpose), but she still determines when she will give him the time of day.  So we have been really watchful when we are with other people to make sure that she is only held by her daddy or me.  This is hard.  It's hard to tell someone they can't hold her....to get them to understand without a lengthy discussion... that every time she goes to a "stranger" it can hinder the relationship she has with her dad.  The really difficult part is that she prefers men, but not always, and sometimes she surprises us when she has been soo clingy to me and she won't even go to her dad, but she'll go to a stranger who holds their arms out.  Some times I have just said "No", other times I let her go and pull her right back in.  It's not easy to tell grandpa that he can't hold his grand-daughter when he's only met her one or two times.  I can't tell you how hard.  Cause he doesn't "get" it, she doesn't get it, and it leaves me feeling like I can't do anything right.  I have been told that every time someone other than my husband or myself hold her we take a step back in our attachment.  Our social worker told me to go with my instincts. So this is what my instincts tell me.......that Aregash has "met" her Grandma Gail a handful of times.....she knows that she is Grandma....she can call her by name.  My mom can hold her.  I feel comfortable with it now.  What I'm not okay with is some "random" (and I say random not because I don't know them, but because SHE doesn't know them from the next person) holds their arms out and scoops her up.  So she doesn't have a firm attachment to Dic yet.  What have I just done by letting her go?  It isn't fair to her daddy.  So why is it so hard to say something????  Can all of you just READ this and try to comprehend it so I don't have to explain it in detail every time??  Thanks. :0)  Am I making to big of a deal?  Sometimes I think I am....other times I know that my persistence will only help the father/daughter relationship.  I wish I could set her down and not have to worry.  I'm just gonna wear a sign.....and put one on her too.  PLEASE DON'T HOLD THE BABY.  Decision made. :0).

Today our church threw our family a shower to welcome Aregash home.  
It was lovely.  
Here are some pictures.  
We LOVE our church family.

such pretty colors

the cake had the tree from our shirts on it--so sweet...thanks Dominique!

she is just beginning to get into the gift opening a little

We all wore our traditional Ethiopian garb......
'cept for the daddio.
We neglected to find something for him
in our 15 minute shopping spree
before we left Addis.
So sad.

 when we got home I got some shots of my cutie pa-tooties

what a dolly

brothers celebrating with their sister

snuggly siblings

 and then she asked, "Mommy, photo Aregash baby?"
 .....of course precious girl.

 

I have a lot to write about.

I promise I'll do that soon.

The clock just ticks too quickly lately.

Time to give all my love to my LOVES.

Sending off my wedding clothes....Read more about it

I am excited about this great event!!!  

Go HERE to read about it!

I'm ironing some of the boys' shirts they've outgrown, finding a few ties that match and mailing them out!  What an idea!!

I'm Happy

I finally got the Valentine shot--
not exactly what I was hoping for, 
but they're all pretty stink'n cute, huh?

Today I announced that I am taking the big leap and I'm giving up Face Book for awhile...on my own, without any pressures.....it's ALLLLL me!  And It makes me happy.  I also changed my status on the adoption forum I am a part of so I don't get 100 emails a day.  It's time to give many things more attention.....including my husband, my boys and my sweet baby girl.  I have been on this computer almost non-stop for as long as I can remember.  First I researched the agencies, then I joined adoption groups, then I began selling t-shirts to help pay for our adoption expenses, and then there is that darn Face Book.  It's been a great tool, a super sounding-board, a place for lots of love and support on this longggg journey we've been on.  But I am ready to step away and pretend the computer is just a computer (kinda like a dog is JUST a dog :0).  I will continue to journal here and add pictures when I get them and tell stories about our transitioning.  But, I will NOT be held prisoner any longer!!  Just jok'n...I did it to myself. :)  So please hang in there and if you don't usually comment cause you do it on Face Book....well, pull up an account and let's talk (or YOU talk and I'll listen. :0)  The sun is shining today. The laundry is getting done.  And I feel happy.  

Valentine Drama

 some were feeling the love....
some were not.

 she's screaming...
if you can't tell.

 now she's laughing.  
wundim (brother) cole!!! 
she loves him.  
and it's reciprocated.

 i'm pretty sure he never got the smackers. 
in fact,
i think he's still trying. :0)

We are starting to feel the "groove" of things in our house again.  Aregash is understanding more English, while she teaches us every day.  I have had some good talks (which I know she only understand parts of) about how we act when things don't go our way......how to say "No, Thank you"...or in her case "No, Tank-you", which is equally accepted :0) when she doesn't like something instead of "Blech"...... how when Mommy puts the mounds of conditioner in your hair we don't want to rinse it out right away--"Mommy does it", I always say.  So, there is a lot of learning and a lot of teaching going on in this house right now and it's working.  Sometimes the melt-down is inevitable and I have seen that it just has to run it's course without intervention.  And the patience I prayed for for years is finally paying off (that's cause it's finally happening...the patience part, the praying part is continual).
It isn't a cake walk, but nobody said it was gonna be.
And I'm sure I'm still going to have "those days".......
but now there have been a couple that have been pretty good.
And I'm happy.

 I

Am

 Happy.

Valentine Sweethearts

 I told myself I would send out an announcement for Valentine's Day.......

but this is about as far as I got......

and I couldn't pick just one to post..........

so I gave them all........

 it's the sweetest thing I have for Valentine's Day........

can't resist the smiles..........

and I only have one of all four sweets together.......

 

even though I got us all dressed up for pictures today at church..............

 this is it friends...........

so maybe Easter announcements????

Have a 

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY 

with YOUR

sweets!!

I LOVED this and wanted to share!

This is my friend, Melanie and her family...as well as some of her fellow teachers at the school she and her husband teach at in Oman.  They took this photo the day we found out we were having some issues with our paperwork in Ethiopia...while in Ethiopia.  Love the rallying that went on for us around the world!!!  And guess what?  It worked!!  If you would like to take a picture in YOUR shirts, please send them to cholo5@wescomm.com so I can post them here!!!  THANKS!!!!  and we LOVE you, Mel!!

Updated Picture...or 2 :0)

We are home, we happy, and we are tired.  WE haven't had a toddler around the house (other than nieces and nephews) for awhile now.  We are re-living the melt-downs, tantrums, drama....you name it.  With the language barrier it makes it that more difficult, but we are excited to see what comes of it all.  Teaching boundaries, and learning more of God's grace each day.  Here are some recent pictures of Aregash.  

She's still REALLLLL cute!

 YES...she's dressed!!

 Our first outing to Target :0)

Things tend to get a little lot ugly sometimes.....it's not always peachy, but we're working on it.  The boys were trying to help us get her jammies on.  She is REAL particular about what happens to be ON the jammies (clothes) like flowers...not such a big fan.